Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I’m talking about those under the breath comments a mother makes as her children talk smack, or spill their milk for the third time that day, or when her five-year-old decides to talk like a baby ALL DAY LONG.
In the South, if you listen closely, you’ll hear mother mumblings like this:
for cryin’ out loud, for Heaven’s sake, for Pete’s sake, and my favorite, have mercy
Don’t get me wrong, a mother’s mumblings are a good thing. After all, frustrations must escape somehow, and mumblings are way better than a yell.
But like I mentioned, I need to watch my mumblings, because the children are tuning in.
Here’s the scenario.
Yesterday, we suffered a series of potty-training setbacks.
While on my hands and knees wiping up pee, I told Blondie to take off her wet clothes, and in her struggle to remove her pee-soaked panties, she flung them right in my face.
I was too stunned to speak, so she spoke for me.
“Mommy, was that for heaven sake?”
I laughed. But not out loud, because I had pee on my lips.
You love that story, don’t you?
Moving along, now...
BooMama's post today inspired me to share something salty.
When I crave salt, there's nothing that hits the spot more than these chips. Go here to see why blue corn is slightly better for you than yellow corn. It's also important to mention that taking this bag with you to the sofa will prove detrimental to your diet. You WILL eat the whole bag, so please please please grab a bowl and a handful of chips, then put the bag AWAY!!
You'll thank me later when you're trying on bathing suits.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
And lastly, my nephew, otherwise known as “Phew!” because this wild man will flat run circles around you. So, of course, he chose WAT-AHH! for energy, which is ultra purified water with energizing oxygen. P.S. His real name is SugarBear, because on top of being a wild man, he's also my sweet baby.
OKAY, EVERYBODY! ONE, TWO, THREE, DRINK!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
If you've ever seen a Baby Einstein DVD, then you are most likely familiar with the little green puppet that delights children by sticking out its tongue and saying, "BLAAAAH!" My children loved this little puppet back in the day, and with every "BLAAAAH" came little toddler laughter that would melt your heart.
So, one day, after dropping Biscuit off at his preschool, the twins were enjoying this particular video in the car as I came to a stop at a redlight. At this same moment, I heard, "BLAAAAH!" from the little green puppet. Like any good mother would do, I turned around, and with a huge smile, tongue sticking way out, chimed in with my own "BLAAAAH!"
Funny, right? Well, the gentleman in the car behind me was not amused. I guess he couldn't understand why this lady was sticking her tongue out at him like she was at a Kiss concert. The reeeeally embarrassing part? This gentleman was the father of one of Biscuit's classmates.
So, with no chance to explain myself and blame it on the little green puppet, I lapsed into an embarrassment coma. Should I drive really fast to escape the situation? Should I swerve like a maniac so he thinks I'm drunk? Should I pull over to the side of the road in hopes he will think there's something wrong and pull over, too, giving me a chance to explain? Should I try to follow him to work to explain myself? Should I start shopping around for other preschools? Other cities to live?
Oh, the shame. I bet you have an embarrassing car moment. I'd love to hear it!
On a side note, after I told Red what I had done, he lapsed into his own embarrassment coma.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I thought instead I better jump in here with some useful information for a change.
Healthy breakfasts for the kids. I can't say enough about how important it is for your little darlin' to start his or her day with nutritous, substantial food. Essential.
Why do kids need to eat a healthy breakfast?
- Nutritious foods are "brain foods," so kids will stay more alert and perform better in school
- Eating early keeps weight under control by kick-starting metabolism
- Better nutrition means less sickness
- Kids will have "full feeling" longer with a low-sugar breakfast
- Economic value of eating at home
Now, I hear what you're saying, and don't think I can't see you shaking your head over there on the other side of my computer. But there isn't time. There just isn't tiiiime, if only we had time to fix healthy breakfasts, but we don't. No time at all.
Go back and read my fancy bulleted list. Healthy breakfasts are important, worth making the time. I've put together a list of quick, healthy breakfasts that will help you send your kiddies on their way when time is short.
- Whole grain cereal with milk, topped with fruit (choose cereal with whole grain as first ingredient)
- Yogurt parfaits (layer yogurt/fruit/granola or whole grain cereal in a clear up, because even little kids appreciate presentation)
- Whole grain waffle, topped with fruit and 100% maple syrup (a little goes a long way) OR whole grain waffle topped with peanut butter
- Breakfast bar (choose lowest-sugar option, again choose a whole grain option), fruit and milk
- Oatmeal and boiled egg
Some of you may need tips on motivating kids to eat breakfast.
- Present several options, and let them choose
- Discuss the night before what they might like for breakfast
- Consider filling out a menu for the week
I'm all about the lists today!
Got any questions? I'll be glad to tackle them for you. Also, stay tuned... I'm doing a fancy product review soon. I'll also post a few pics from the birthday chaos. Don't worry. One of them will not be my bruised tailbone.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Until the co-anchor of a local news show calls her at 10 AM, in hopes of coming to her house in a few hours to film a piece on her business.
While this would send a normal person into hysterics, the mother of three little kids looks around at her hazmat-suit-required-home, her filthy children, her dishelveled appearance in the mirror and says, "Let's do it."
She hangs up with the nice lady on the phone, and hits every speed dial button. And the army which is her family arrives within minutes. Her husband, who only thought he had a busy day at work, is notified that he will be taking the next few hours off, and handed a list of chores.
She tries to collect her thoughts on her upcoming interview while in the shower, but she is distracted by a cat drinking out of the toilet and several children who find this humorous and try to push her in.
As she finishes applying her mascara, she knocks over her tea, which would be no big deal, except she has the impulse to squint, and every woman knows that you can't squint right after applying mascara, or you end up with imprints of your lashes below your eyes. Pretty.
She realizes that the blue shirt she wants to wear is crumpled at the bottom of the hamper. (She has mad ironing skills, though).
She keeps her cool when her youngest boy refuses to wear pants, only swimtrunks. Then he pees on his shirt, not the swimtrunks. It can be done. When you're a boy.
Her daughter whines and cries incessently, because she has been told we will have visitors.
She looks at her well-dressed, oldest boy in admiration, until she remembers he was the one that did this. And you can still see the holes.
She coats her throat with Chloroseptic, hoping to mask the sinus issues she's been dealing with for days.
And the doorbell rings. The fabulous Beth Haynes walks into her home. Beth and her cameraman/producer are immediately instructed to look straight ahead at all times, and please oh please whatever you do don't film in that room, or that room, or that room...
The unnerved mother of three little ones tries not to notice as Beth pauses briefly before taking her seat... dern, forgot to clean the chairs... and calmly answers questions, coherently, and trying not to smile when talking about obesity statistics, but smile slightly when talking about those little rascal kids who don't eat their veggies...
Then Beth says goodbye.
The kids are tired, and so is mother. She looks at her sweet family, who threw aside all their plans and responsibilities for her and the business today, and she wonders if anything is greater than having so many people believe in her and her dream.
CLICK HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO, Live at Five at Four, March 17, 2009
By the way, all the above is true, except for the part where the mother is calm, cool and collected. My mother-in-law sent me upstairs when it was all over. Just because she was afraid I was going to have some sort of episode. Please. Me?!?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Ever hear the rumor that kids who sit down to dinner with the family, versus with the T.V., are more likely to develop healthy eating habits? Look here and here to see this is no rumor, but true as can be. I'm a big believer in this I also believe there is even more you can do as a parent to help your kids eat healthy, which brings me to my big point...
A great way to help your kids eat healthy is to talk about healthy eating away from the dinner table.
Here's a true story.
Little Red crawled into bed with us one morning, and in the midst of kisses and snuggles, we examined our hands.
Red: Your hands are big, Mommy. My hands are little.
Mommy: You're right. And one day your hands will be big like mine. Probably even bigger.
Mommy: That's because you're growing up fast.
Red: Like Biscuit?
Mommy: Just like Biscuit. Do you know why you're getting so big?
Red: (look of interest)
Mommy: Because you eat things like broccoli and noodles and drink lots of milk.
Red: And suckers don't make me big?
Mommy: Not big and strong.
Red: Bananas make me strong.
Mommy: Bananas, peppers, rice, oatmeal...
And this continued. Until he got tired of naming off all the foods he could think of.
Now, to me, this conversation came very natural. Because I eat, sleep and breathe the subject every day. For you other hard-working parents, who might have other things on their mind besides SuperNoots, it's a conscious effort to have conversations like this, but imagine the benefits.
When kids are little, the last thing they need are parents lecturing them on why Cheerios will reduce their cholesterol, or why there are starving children in Ethiopia who would give anything for a bite of broccoli. However, working in relevant, encouraging conversations like these into your child's life make a tremendous impact on their eating habits.
Okay, now I have to throw this in, especially for my California friend, Francesca, who is constantly amused by my East Tennessee antics...
Once upon a time, one of our children touched an outlet. No harm done, but an adult, who shall remain nameless, said, "Don't mess with plugs." I realize this statement would only be made south of the Mason-Dixon line, so to clarify its meaning, these four words mean touching an outlet is dangerous so don't do it. That being said, after Red and I rattled off healthy foods in the aforementioned conversation, he said,
Red: And when I get big I can mess with plugs?
Mommy: **laughing** Yes, when you get big you can mess with plugs.
Red: **pause** And blinds?
Mommy: **more laughing**
Red: And lamps?
And so it went, until he named off all the no-no's in his little life. My favorite?
Red: And EggNog's tail?